Got My Fourty Credits Worth!
by Apathyisdeath
Summary: Shepard hates press conferences. Especially when she misunderstands a question and unknowingly reveals she had sex with a certain LT. Hilarity ensues. Not to be taken seriously at all. Inspired by Frasier, and my pure love for both it and ME.


Press conferences. Shepard hated them. She was supposed to be dropping Tali off at the Citadel (Liara had decided to trail along, for some reason) then attending one on the recent defeat of Saren. Liara's being there had only agitated her. It was not that she disliked the asari, it was just that she was not usually aware when she was not wanted. She had said a brief, standard goodbye to Tali, and had tried to quickly dash back to the Normandy to prepare and race to completely the other side of the Citadel. A sigh sounded from behind her. Liara seemed blue. Shepard chuckled silently at her stupid joke.

"We have plenty of time, Dr. T'soni. I'm sure we can make it to a stupid press conference with time to spare." Shepard felt like she should be the one sighing wistfully. She had been looking forward to reuniting (although only after a few days) with her crew.  
She knew she was especially looking forward to reuniting with lieutenants, too. She felt she should blush for her school girl crush. But it wasn't just a silly crush anymore. Not after Ilos.

Shepard and Liara had reached the doors seperating themselves from the exterior of the Normandy, and Shepard almost automatically went to smile at the usually cocky turian stood at the door's terminal. He wasn't there. Strange. Instead there was a surly-looking hispanic member of C-Sec. Shepard raised an eyebrow. She had never witnessed anyone else operate the terminal before. She still offered the man a hesitant smile. He returned a blank stare.

"40 credits, please." He grumbled, as curtly as someone can grumble. Shepard almost snorted at the apparent joke.  
"What?" She laughed.  
"40 credits, please." He repeated...perhaps a little slower this time. "B-but I've never had this problem before. Erm, Doug usually covers this for me?" She asked awkwardly, scratching the back of her head. "Doug's off sick," he rumbled. "So, 40 credits, please."  
"No, I didn't actually park here! I was just dropping a friend off," Shepard gestured around her. "See? She's gone. And I was only parked for 5 minutes. That's a quarter of the time anyone's actually supposed to park. I didn't use all the time, so I shouldn't have to pay? Doug never makes me pay." The man still looked at her blankly.

"If you won't pay, then you can't retrieve your ship." He stated. Shepard growled in frustration. Liara raised a hand meekly.  
"I have 40 credits." She squeeked in vain, reaching into her pocket weakly. Shepard quickly shushed her.

"I am not paying 40 credits for five minutes of parking. It's the principal of the matter. I will pay when I have used all my time." She followed this with a quick nod in his direction. He seemed to still be staring at her.

Shepard crossed her arms over her chest and consulted her watch. They had 15 minutes until they had gotten their money's worth of the parking. "Fine, then we'll just...wait until I have used all of my parking!" Shepard announced. She felt Liara tap her on the shoulder in a timid manner. "Not now, Liara."

Now would have been a good time to use the "don't you know who I am?" excuse, but Shepard would never have the metaphorical balls to do so. Instead they waited. Five minutes had passed. Fifteen to go. Shepard noticed that people were waiting behind her. _What the hell?_ She thought. _Why would anyone need out this way?_ An impatient looking woman politely asked her when she was moving. Shepard told her that she did not plan on moving soon. The woman seemed pissed.

A few men had clumped on behind the woman, tapping impatient toes against the ground. Then a couple of krogans, and a curious C-Sec officer. More would surely follow. Oh, no.

Shepard checked her watched about two minutes later. Someone was yelling at her to hurry up. "Citizens of the Citadel!" She announced, turning to face alot of angry glares with a happy smile. "Don't worry! I am doing this for your own good! This man is trying to charge me for something I did not use, is that fair? N-" She was interrupted.  
"MOVE YOUR ASS!" One of the krogans boomed.  
"Yeah, we can't afford to be waiting behind you all day!" A woman yelled. Shepard backed down, astonished and face a sheepish Liara. "Do they not notice I'm doing this for their own good?" She muttered as the mob's yellings continued.

"Perhaps you should just pay the 40 credits, Commander. I can pay-"  
"No, Liara. It's only a few more minutes."  
"But won't you be late for your press conference, Commander?" Shepard's eyes darkened. "Oh, shit," she marched up to the terminal-man. "I need to get out now."

The man just grinned at her. "Ohhh, but you have-" he looked at his watch "5 minutes left?" Shepard rolled her eyes.  
"Out. Now, please. I'll pay." She was defeated. The man just held up his hands and laughed, tapping the terminal a few times.  
"That'll be 80 credits, please." He beamed at her. Shepard's eyes widened.

"WHAT? But I- didn't even. The time."  
"You wasted alot of C-Sec's time here, miss. Pay or I can't let you through those doors." Shepard sighed. She knew when she had been beaten. "Ok, I'll pay." She reached into her pocket sadly. "Let me just say-"  
She turned to face the mob, but was almost booed off. "Fine. Lemme just-RUN!" Shepard thwacked her hands on the holographic keys of the terminal, and the doors hissed open. She grabbed Liara and almost too quickly steered her through the door.

All Shepard saw was terminal-man's shocked face and heard the yells of the mob as they ran the short distance to the Normandy.

**  
Kaidan was in trouble. Himself, Captain Anderson and Ambassador Udina were talking to the press and it was not a pretty sight. Shepard had seemed to have completely forgotten to turn up, and the three of them were left to stall, almost. The journalists were getting antsy without the commander to interrogate, and Kaidan couldn't answer their bland questions, or listen to Udina ramble on about political crap for much longer. None of the press had really taken much interest in Kaidan anyway. He had just been there when Shepard had hopped out from the wreckage.

"Lieutenant Alenko," a snooty-looking woman with her slicked hair clasped in a bun was addressing him. He sat up a bit straighter. "Is it true that you and Commander Shepard were...how should we put it: involved, recently?" Kaidan blinked like a rabbit caught in the headlights. He saw Anderson and Udina exchange incredulous glances.

"Err..." was all he could muster. Great. He mentally congratulated himself. After a few moments of awkwardness, the woman spoke again. "I think something must have gone on between you for a long time. Was it an on-board romance? Just what happened with Commander Shepard?" She questioned. At that precise moment, Commander Jane Shepard almost skidded around the corner at high-speed. She plonked herself down next to Kaidan. "Oh, damn Shepard I really screwed up." He mumbled to her.  
"No problem-o, I got it covered," she mumbled back. "Commander Shepard here, sorry I'm late everyone. I hear that my team has informed you of my exploits!"  
The snooty woman blinked back at her with mascared eyes. Kaidan kicked her hard under the table.

The reporter smiled sweetly. "Oh, they haven't said much, but we'd like to hear it from you."  
Shepard smiled at her and breathed in. "Well, it wasn't my finest hour. Let's just say that I got in there, realised I'd made a mistake and tried like hell to out!"

Kaidan elbowed her. "Commander!" Shepard waved her hand at him.  
"There was alot of shouting, and a line started to form behind me. Fortunately, my good friend Liara T'soni was with me for moral support and well, let's face it, someone to talk to! Y'know you'd be amazed how long twenty minutes is when you're watching the clock."

The reporter's eyes seemed to fill with the utmost joy, and Shepard seemed to be enjoying someone listening to her rebellious tale. "At least I got out of there without paying the 40 credits!" Shepard beamed to herself. Kaidan slowly let his head fall into his hands.


End file.
